


One Boring Day In Outer Space

by rabidzebra, TMar



Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-20
Updated: 2018-12-20
Packaged: 2019-09-23 14:08:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17081753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rabidzebra/pseuds/rabidzebra, https://archiveofourown.org/users/TMar/pseuds/TMar
Summary: Geordi is bored and decides to resurrect an old Earth exercise, "telephone booth stuffing", and update it: holodeck stuffing!





	One Boring Day In Outer Space

**Author's Note:**

> We wrote this in December 1991. It takes place after the third season episode "The Enemy".

ONE BORING DAY IN OUTER SPACE...,

The curious hissing died first to a trickle, then ceased altogether. The mirrored panel from which the sound had come folded back, revealing Commander Geordi LaForge, the Enterprise's Chief Engineer. LaForge, with a strong feeling of ennui, stepped from the shower, shook a considerable quantity of water from his lean, well-muscled frame and confidently replaced his VISOR with a slight nod, as if to say "This feels right." 

After a session in the sonic dryer, he dressed in a fresh uniform and proceded to Engineering in an attempt to involve his mind in something other than pointless worry and musings. He carefully scanned the warp field diagrams almost automatically, his mind far from the here and now. Geordi was trying to come to terms with the idea that he had, in a sense, made a 'friend' of an 'enemy'... who, later, had reluctantly admitted that humans were, after all, unique and interesting. But what the Romulan had meant by that, he didn't know.

Without conscious thought, LaForge's instincts carried him to the office of Counselor Troi, where he, almost without wanting to, tried to explain what had been plaguing him for several days. As always, Deanna Troi understood, and supported his actions. "Your decisions were correct, Geordi. I can feel that you are also sure of this, so why come to me? You must know that what you did was right - you behaved in a manner befitting a member of this crew, yet in a way uniquely your own".

Geordi sighed. Deanna guessed that, if he were sighted, his eyes would show the deep bewilderment he was feeling. "Yeah," Geordi continued after a pause, "I guess... I guess what's bothering me is that while I was forging some, I dunno, some kind of bond between us down on Galorndon Core, Worf let a man die!" He saw, when Deanna didn't change her expression, that she had known what he was feeling all along. "But you knew that, didn't you?"

"Geordi, Worf is not human. You know that. I don't think any of us can ever truly understand him. We have to accept him on his terms." Troi spoke earnestly now. "Remember that, to Worf, Romulans will always be the enemy, and even if you can see a way out, he might not agree. But that doesn't mean you have to reject him."

Deanna was right, Geordi knew. She always had a way of telling you the obvious as though it was the deepest insight in the universe, LaForge thought. And it always made him feel a hundred percent better. The worry was temporarily dispelled, but the feeling of ennui remained. The uneventful nature of ship's duty lately was boring a hole through his skull. Geordi needed to relax, and where better to do so? The Engineer strode rapidly to the Holodeck, feeling a strong need to lie on a beach where he could think, evaluate. 

Two hours later, even the sun and sea became too much. He had the holodeck materialize a particular little pleasure establishment Riker had mentioned, then an interesting planet he'd been to, then various other environments. Finally he stood looking at a desert landscape, his last resort. Nothing. If his work wouldn't help, if the holodeck couldn't provide something distracting to do, he'd have to entertain himself.

The Enterprise was currently between missions, a situation that - in the past - had proved to be, for the most part, boring. The crew seemed restless. Even Data, distracted by the lack of new experiential information, was searching for his friend. Geordi was someone to talk to informally about the boredom he'd begun noticing. Upon request the computer indicated that Lieutenant Commander LaForge was in Holodeck Two. Data thought for a nanosecond before stepping into the turbolift.

The android entered Holodeck Two with no idea of what to expect. A very bland landscape ("nothing to write home about", his brain supplied) stretched before him. Something which he still considered quite wonderful, for it was uniquely Human, happened as he entered: a smile broke out on Geordi's face. "Data! I was just about to look for you! Look around." Geordi seemed eager to relate something relevant. Data obliged. He opened his mouth to supply the reference (Sedona, Arizona, circa 1980] when Geordi forstalled him by carrying on rapidly, "How many people do you think we can fit in here?"

"The holodeck has any number of possibilities..."

Geordi's smile didn't waver an inch. In fact, it seemed to widen. "No, no, I mean, how many people, real people, can we get in here all at once?"

"Ah. How many people can we physically fit into a Holodeck. Considering its real size, approximately 230 adult Humans. Or, 237 human females. Or, 228 adult males. Or, 274 children. Or... " Laforge stopped him, still grinning from ear to ear.

"Data! How about an experiment? We've got all kinds of people, big, small, aliens, haven't we?" Without waiting for a reply he rushed on. "We'll cram 'em in good! Holodeck stuffing! It'll be fun!"

Data looked puzzled, since he'd never heard of such an experiment. "Holodeck stuffing? My memory contains references to 4,780,943 experiments, but I have never encountered this one."

Geordi explained, as he always did when Data struggled with a human concept. "It's not really an experiment, Data. More like a game. See, it was something they did back on Earth a couple of centuries ago. I read it when I was very young. People would see how many people they could squeeze into a telephone booth - that was an old way of communication - or an automobile."

"But why?" Such an activity struck Data as being rather pointless, while his memory supplied the two references.

"For fun, Data! To see how many people you can squeeze in, for the challenge."

"But I can tell you..."

"Yeah, yeah, averages and all that. But if we cram 'em in, all kinds, it won't be that easy. We'll materialize an endless vista of some sort and—"

But Data knew that no matter how big the holodeck looked, it still was a finite space. He patiently explained this to Geordi. 

"Yeah, Data, I know, but it'll increase the uncertainty. We dunno where the walls are, we just cram 'em in until we can't anymore."

Finally Data ran out of objections. Geordi seemed set on it, asking, "So, are you with me?"

"Intriguing. Yes, I believe I shall participate." Data thought for a moment. "Tell me, Geordi - is this one way of relieving the human condition of boredom?" 

Geordi patted his shoulder. "Oh yeah." 

Data nodded once. It was obvious, really.

***

Picard occupied his station on the bridge when Riker breezed in, his face split by an evil smirk. Picard immediately sat up and took notice - when Riker smiled like that something was afoot. "What's going on, Number One?"

"You won't believe this, Captain. Geordi has got all off-duty crew members and their families at Holodeck Two where he's engaged in something he calls 'holodeck stuffing'." 

Picard lifted an eyebrow, so Riker explained the concept. "He had to ask my permission first, of course, but I granted it; it'll relieve the boredom and it'll be - it'll be fun."

"Are you sure you wouldn't rather be taking part, Number One?" Picard's face was now the one bearing an evil grin.

Riker's bearded face took on a completely uncharacteristic little-boy-caught-raiding-the-cookie-jar look. "You think it's silly, Sir?" he asked, as Picard's face filled out into a full smile.

"Extremely silly, Number One, but let me know how many people they do manage to get in there."

***

The computer's artificial voice intoned, "Maximum number of personnel exceeded," over and over. It seemed to the Engineer that the voice became more insistent with each repetition. Geordi had to tell the holodeck to ignore its overload-warning in order to make the whole thing possible. 

All flesh-and-blood resilient beings seemed to have turned up, so they not only had Humans but, it seemed, all the alien races in the Federation as well. Geordi was certain he even saw some Vulcans in the crowd. The ship's only Klingon had, however, refused to take part and insisted on standing guard outside to "monitor" the proceedings. He had what looked like a frown on his face. Geordi (who was outside shoving someone into the holodeck from behind) thought that Worf probably considered them all crazy, and he wouldn't blame him, but boy, this was fun! He hoped it would loosen Worf up a bit, even if Deanna was right and Worf would never be as "human" as they'd all come to consider him, at least before the incident with the dying Romulan... but he pushed this thought from his mind and trained his thoughts on the present undertaking.

The stuffing continued; everyone showed great enthusiasm. They were up to 328 when parts of people's anatomies began sticking out into the corridor. It had seemed to take forever, but now they had done it! 328 was a pretty good number.

Geordi stopped shoving and asked the computer for the total again. At its pronouncement, he grinned, only to find Riker standing next to Worf now, looking thoughtful. 

"Only 328, Geordi?"

Geordi wasn't sure he'd heard right. "ONLY 328?"

"Well, didn't they try to get more and more in, better their records every time?"

"Yeah..."

Riker smiled his ladykiller-I've-got-you-now smile. "Well, if you can get up to 340 I'll give you that Orion hologram I have..."

That hologram was of an Orion slave-girl and was generally considered to be one of the most difficult holograms to obtain. Those who had a copy NEVER showed it to anybody; consequently it had acquired a notorious reputation, better than Deltan pheromones. But Geordi asked cautiously, "What's the catch?"

"You're using only adults in there?" At Geordi's confirmation, he went on. "If you continue using adults of all species and get up to 340, the hologram's yours."

"And if I don't?"

"I get that Rigellian work of art that you've been hoarding for two years." The Rigellian work of art was in reality a sculpture made from rubindium, and it appeared to be whatever YOU wanted to look at. No one knew why. All Geordi saw, of course, due to its crystalline structure, was an energy pattern and an outline, but he'd always figured it would make a good exchange someday. He weighed it against the hologram, which he could adjust to 'see' as the Orion slave girl. "Okay," he conceded.

People filed slowly out of the holodeck, looking very squashed. Riker said he'd definitely be present for the next day's attempt, before returning to the Bridge. Geordi was left alone on the Holodeck. "340," he asked himself. "Piece of cake!" He looked forward to the next attempt.

***

Not surprisingly, quite a few of the people who'd been part of the project the day before bowed out this time, since being crammed into a holodeck with 327 other people could be quite discomfiting... But there had been a lot more people who'd wanted to take part. 

Deanna came over to look into the holodeck before the games began. She looked on it as something which would, strangely enough, relax the crew. But she couldn't go in there herself, the proximity of 327 other people would be too much for her eventually, and it had taken Geordi three hours yesterday to stuff the 328 people in there...

Beverly Crusher came up behind Deanna and peered in. "I heard about this yesterday. Do you think it'll work?" The frown on her face was not concern about how many more people Geordi would try to cram in, but that her son had said he wanted to be a part of the project this time. Yesteday he had been in school and hadn't gotten there until it was all over. Beverly hoped he wasn't intending to be one of the people who actually had to get crammed in.

Deanna smiled indulgently as if to say they were all children at heart. What she did say was, "Well, today Geordi intends to cram 340 people in. He has a bet with Bill about it." Beverly smiled, and Deanna rushed on, hoping she didn't show that she hoped Geordi would win, just because. "I don't know if it will work, but it will provide a relaxing atmosphere for the crew."

Beverly looked stunned. "Relaxing! Deanna, are you serious?" But she was. Having something like this to do promoted camaraderie among the crew and made them enjoy being around each other. If nothing else, they'd have a lot to tell the next time they stopped over at a starbase. Not to mention having something to mull over in Ten Forward.

Four hours later, Geordi had gotten person number 343 into the holodeck, and still there seemed room for more. But he stopped there and got Riker to hand over the hologram.

Wesley had not been one of the people to go into the holodeck; rather, he was looking over the computer data from the day before, and frantically working equations at the computer. As the people (all 343 of them) came out of the holodeck looking rumpled, Wesley began to frown. There was something wrong here. As Data had told Geordi, the holodeck was a finite space, but, because the people had been crammed in with no room to spare, they had gotten many more than Data's 230 estimate in there.   
Working on his calculations, Wesley noticed that the most Geordi should have been able to get in was 331. But he had managed to get twelve more than that in. It didn't compute, and Wesley was bothered. He went looking for Data.

Data agreed with Wesley's figures, but put it down to the Human equation - which to Data meant that when Humans were involved, things often didn't make sense, at least not in the usual, logical 1+1=2 kind of way. "It is most likely, Wesley, that the people used were of the most resilient nature."

"No, Data, I worked that into my calculations. He was twelve people over the highest possible limit. Something's wrong somewhere." Wesley looked incredibly cute when he frowned, but because neither he nor Data could explain it, he went on frowning all day and all night.

***

Geordi was at it again the next day. Now he had a bet with the wife of one of his engineering assistants. He was going to get 350 people in, or die trying. Wesley followed him around all morning trying to get him alone, but Geordi was too excited to pay much attention. All he kept saying was, "Later, Wesley."

He got 358 people in when he stopped, and got for himself the name of a certain lady friend of Cora's who would be most pleased to meet him next time they were in her neck of the woods. Things were definitely looking up. Captain Picard had come around once, as if to see what his naughty children were doing, and had left again just as suddenly, stopping only to ask Wesley what he was doing. But to Wesley it was obvious that the Captain didn't much care that they had nineteen people over the limit now.

The next day, in science class, Wesley was actually scribbling equations by hand, muttering, "This just can't be right!" His science teacher, like Data, agreed with the figures, but also put it down to the human equation. Humans were like that, he was told - resilient. But Wesley, being, well, Wesley, wasn't going to give up yet. Finally he cornered Geordi in Ten Forward and explained the problem.

"But it's just not possible, Geordi! How can..." but LaForge stopped him in mid-sentence.

"It's not about possibilities, Wes. It's about the Challenge!"

Wesley was not completely satisfied with this answer, but the Engineer was on a roll. Like the others, he began going on about how humanoids would do almost anything for the challenge, until Wesley stopped him with one well-timed question. "Did you stop cramming them in when the holodeck was full?"

"Yeah... no," admitted Geordi. "The first time, I was shoving very hard and could only get 328 in. But the next two times I stopped when there was still a little space left, since I'd won my bets anyhow..." Now Geordi was also suspicious. What if he kept cramming them in until parts of them started sticking out into the corridor, as he'd done the first time? With Wesley as an eager partner, Geordi went off to find Riker and get permission to try it just once more.

***

He really had to talk most of the previous participants into doing it again, because the charm of being stuffed into a holodeck with more than 300 others begins to wear thin after a while. Finally he had over 400 people ready to begin, this time at a different holodeck. Wesley counted and scribbled equations and Geordi shoved. Worf looked disapproving, Riker and Deanna were both smirking, and Picard just looked extremely long-suffering. The only person who hadn't shown much interest in the whole business was Guinan. She just nodded knowingly when her patrons reported the latest goings-on at the holodecks. Humans were interesting, but some of the things they got up to were totally insane.

Geordi just shoved people into the holodeck, letting Wesley do the counting. Finally Wesley shouted above the din, "Geordi, this just cannot be right! Look at these figures!"

Geordi had to take off his VISOR, shake his head, put it back on, and look again. He was sure Wesley had to have counted wrong - according to the board, they had gotten 547 people into the holodeck, and there was room for more! He looked in. Although the room seemed endless, he knew that the people who seemed to be standing in front of a horizon were in fact crammed against the bulkhead. He had the computer do a headcount (well, a body count) and it confirmed Wesley's figures. 

"Computer, holodeck size."

But the computer said the same thing it always said, which just proved that there couldn't be 547 people in there! Now even Picard was looking worried. He told more people to go in. More and more did, until they had 700 people in there and had by now run out of adults and were cramming children in. Still, there seemed room for more, but still the computer insisted that the room was the same size it had always been. 

Both Wesley and Data now had worked out how big the room would have to be to fit in 700 people, and the size was mind-boggling. The holodeck would have to be three times the size the computer said it was in order to allow for 700 people and yet there it was! Picard finally dismissed everyone and called a briefing of all the people who'd been involved with the calculations and setting-up of the project, as well as some of those who'd been crammed against the bulkheads this last time.

The people who'd been crammed against the bulkheads hadn't noticed anything, except that the door had seemed a little further away every time they'd looked at it, but they had thought it was because of the unique nature of the holodeck programming. Picard thanked them and turned to Geordi and Wesley. "It seems you were right, the holodeck was somehow getting bigger."

"Captain, that's impossible." Riker was incredulous.

"We've encountered no hostile aliens..." came from Worf. But that statement alerted Picard as to the reason for their problem. The realization hit him so suddenly that Deanna Troi looked at him in alarm. He smiled, reassuring her, then sent everyone out with, "We'll resume this later."

Everyone left looking puzzled, but Picard didn't care. He then turned back to the room and spoke to the air. "Had enough fun for one day, Q?"

"Well, three days to be exact, my dear Jean-Luc." Q was now wearing a copy of Geordi's uniform (including the VISOR) and slouching over the desktop. 

Picard took the offensive by starting with, "What do you want this time?"

Q's face scrunched up in the manner which meant he was smirking to the limit of his human facial structure. "Oh, nothing much. I just popped in to see what I could see and give Geordi a hand in confusing the boy wonder." He was referring to Wesley, but went on. "And the rest of you. You all looked so worried, as if a slightly large holodeck was something catastrophic. I wondered how long it would take you before you realised your old nemesis" - he said the word with relish - "had returned. You didn't let me down, but so much panic! Really, you Humans are too much." He seemed insufferably pleased with himself.

"Q..." began Picard, but Q knew Picard's lines by heart and merely sighed, interrupting. "Yes, yes, I know. 'Q, you leave my ship alone. You leave my crew alone. You leave macrohead with a microbrain alone.' I know, I know. Must you be so tedious, Picard? Don't you even want to know how I did it?"

At Picard's look Q knew that Picard didn't care how he'd done it, he just wanted the entity off his ship.   
Picard said, "You say you're omnipotent, so you must have ways, but I don't care about that as long as you leave my ship."

Q looked rather insulted, and a bit hurt. "Yes, yes, all right. You're no fun anymore." He snapped his fingers. "Everything is back as it was, so I'll be on my merry way. Dear Captain Picard, lighten up!" he said, loudly and exuberantly, before vanishing.

Picard didn't dare hope he'd seen the last of Q, but in any event he informed Wesley, Geordi and the rest of the crew as to what had been going on.

Worf did not look impressed, though Geordi thought it was kinda funny. Riker was smiling, and even Deanna had to smother her laughter. Data was glad for everyone, but most of all that the problem had been solved satisfactorily. Of course, Geordi had to give the hologram back, but Riker didn't demand his rubindium sculpture, since it had all been due to Q's interference.

***

Geordi finally talked Worf into going with him to Ten-Forward for a drink (he hoped what Worf drank wasn't too disgusting, and that Worf would hopefully not offer him any), where they could perhaps discuss the Romulan problem.

Picard retired to his cabin for the evening, shaking his head all the way. Wesley materialized a nice ball park for him and a few friends in Holodeck Three, while the Enterprise went on its way. They were destined, of course, to run across (unfortunately not OVER) Q again. And if Picard thought he heard a self-satisfied omnipotent alien's voice whisper, "Au revior, mon ami," he decided he was merely dreaming.

THE END


End file.
